D3 body, D1 cock
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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