I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
