i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
