I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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