Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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