Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
