i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
