i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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