she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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