update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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