I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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