My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
