so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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