honey bunches of taint.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
