I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
