There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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