Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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