but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
