I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
