take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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