I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Even my vagina gasped.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The Olympian is in my bed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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