if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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