Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
