im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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