I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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