You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize