I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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