No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
