i just google imaged poop.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
