1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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