Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
