You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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