Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
