I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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