Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
