i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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