i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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