I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's get the cat blown out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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