my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
