Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry about my life...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize