how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
