sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
