So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
