i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
