also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
