Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
