She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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