Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
