And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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