he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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