their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
