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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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