pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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