don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
