You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
