Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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