I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
