The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
