just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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