Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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