I just threw up on my dentist
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
