His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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