i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
