Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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