i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Come on in and take your pants off
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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